How far he's come

On Wednesday we had a lovely day, just the littlest member of our family and me.

I gave him a choice of a few different activities, but he decided he’d like to go and see the fish and have lunch at a garden centre close to us. We had a great time looking at the lawn mowers, finding different animal statues and looking at the patterns on the fish. When it came to lunch he confidently ordered his choice with the waitress then we role played waiters and waitresses while we waited. It was at this moment that I thought about how far he has come.

The first time my husband and I had taken him to a garden centre and lunch; it was a bit of a challenge for us all. It was the first week of our transitions, and we’d probably only spent time with him for about 5 or 6 days, this was also the first time we had taken him out for lunch.

Having already parented two children, we had an idea of what our older children might have enjoyed from the day and for lunch, but I remember that at lunch time we were suddenly faced with a lot of food choices and no idea what he really liked to eat! We would very quickly discover that he is very happy to try almost all foods! But in this moment, we didn’t know and it felt daunting.

During this trip, he wanted to be carried by my husband a lot, he clearly needed reassurance, but I think this reassured us too as this was the very beginning of a connection as we navigated this brand new relationship. He managed really well and we were all able to enjoy some time getting to know each other.

Once he had joined our family, our next few trips to the garden centre nearer to us, were different again. We used the space as a place to meet family. Here he enjoyed looking at lawnmowers, or later Christmas decorations, watching the fish and having lunch. While overall, these visits were a great success as he chatted, asked lots of questions and enjoyed time with his family; there were also times where he would show signs of being unsettled, through his responses to my guidance, his emotions or a need for reassurance. He still needed time to understand his surroundings, relationships and strength of these connections.

During these visits, he would sometimes test his security through running ahead to see if I would follow and then get upset when asked to walk with me. This identified a need to work on this together, so we have spent time actively working on walking together in other shopping trips. The trip this week was different, he still tested his security, but in being brave enough to go down a curved slide in the outdoor space even when he felt unsure of it and was so proud of himself when he achieved it.

We did have one moment where he was suddenly on edge as I accidentally knocked something with my elbow and it made a little bang. I saw the wide-eyed uncertainty instantly appear again, and this heightened his senses for a time causing him to question every tiny sound he heard, but he came to me for a reassurance and very quickly settled once again. What made this week particularly special though, was that aside from this moment, the rest of the trip we walked round together, he chatted, he laughed, he created games, he shared his excitement and was relaxed.

So aside from a lovely trip to the garden centre, this week reminded me of the many wonderful things about my little one. His resilience, how brave he is, his inquisitive nature, sense of fun, confidence and his love of the world around him. In thinking back to that first garden centre, I couldn’t help but feel proud of how far he has come.